As you may or may not know, Kacey and I are a military couple. We have experience living apart while I was deployed and, I admit, it was very challenging. But when you do the right things as a long-distance military couple, things can go smoothly until you see each other again. With this, we’d like to share our 10 best relationship advice to keep a healthy relationship in long distance deployments.
If you truly love your husband or wife, ask questions prior to deployment. It can be anything about his or her job. This is a good way to help you understand and connect with what they do. With this, you can create discussions while not getting lost. This can help you build a foundation and plan out how you will keep your long-distance relationship.
Build the foundation
Before your husband leaves, you should set the foundation for how you want your relationship to work while you are apart. Agree on how you would like to communicate with each other and how often. It’s best to set clear expectations early so that both of you can cope easier with the distance.
One very obvious tip is to communicate constantly. It may seem pretty simple but getting by with a schedule isn’t very easy. You won’t be able to have a video call all the time and you may even go months without talking, but leaving messages and reaching out keeps the communication alive. Other than that you can get creative with your messages and send open-when letters.
Do things together
Being apart doesn’t have to mean you stop doing things together. You can both enjoy the same book or TV series at the same time so that you keep the connection between each other. Doing this will not make the other person feel disconnected or out of place.
Express your emotions
Do not keep your emotions bottled up. Of course, you don’t want to bombard your partner with negative feelings. But sharing your emotions genuinely can help you both get moving and understand the necessary things to make the relationship work. Being transparent can help you have an even deeper relationship with each other despite being apart.
While you are apart, live your own independence and also learn to enjoy life alone. You don’t have to spend all your time waiting for each other’s message or call. Learn new things on your own. Get a new hobby. This can help make time seem faster and keep you preoccupied while living the life you have right in front of you.
Do not compete with each other
Do not compete with your partner. This can create a gap between you and make big problems that shouldn’t even be there. Avoid talking about who is having a rougher time, or who has the better job, etc. Your partner can feel resentment when you become competitive. Both of you are working together to keep the relationship and for sure both of you are giving it your best.
Avoid noticing the flaws
Sometimes, one of you may miss a scheduled call but do not dwell on small things like this. You both have your own lives so this may be unavoidable at times. Just move on and resolve the matter. Try to agree on how to be better next time to avoid that flaw.
When you are apart, it can be hard to fully trust a person. But to gain trust and to keep it, you should always be honest and fully transparent to your partner. Never keep things hidden and wait until your partner finds it out from another person. Always be the one to tell your partner first. Remain honest and be open to maintain a healthy relationship.
Never give up
Keeping a long-distance relationship together is a choice you have to make each day that you are apart. To survive, you should never give up. Things can be up and down along the way you have to stay strong and determined to be in that relationship.
Meditate and take this time to examine not only yourself but your relationship. What do you want out of your relationship? What do you expect of your partner? What are some of your flaws? You have only time to examine yourself and make yourself better. This is not only for your spouse but mainly for you. This is a huge luxury that not many couples get, capitalize on it.
Take the time to examine the past arguments you’ve had with your spouse to see if there was something you could have done differently. Were you simply being stubborn? Focus on the things you miss about your spouse and why, exactly, do you miss them.
There will be a lot of expectations generated throughout the time away. One spouse may be expecting many nights of mind-blowing passion in to the early hours of the morning, while the other might just want a break from the kids and some quiet time. This lack of understanding coupled with high expectation creates a ridiculous amount of tension. This tension, can be devastating to a relationship. It can certainly cause one spouse to shut down or the other to feel as if no support is being given.
Recognize the early signs of high expectation with Introspection. During a long deployment, emotions can run high. Abnormally high. These won’t be normal feelings, they will amplified, and with these feelings come amplified expectations. Don’t get caught in the cycle of thought that leads to unreasonably high expectations.
We hope our 10 tips will help you and your partner live through the long distance military relationship. It may be difficult, but remember that the important thing is to understand each other along the way.